‘He’s a young man with a large holding. Another woman in the house would make things much easier for all of us. What should he wait for, if he’s found a woman who loves him?’ she countered. When I had no answer to that, she added, ‘If they marry, I don’t think Thrift will want to move far from her parents’ home. She is very close to her sister.’
‘I see.’ And I did. I suddenly saw that Molly was no longer someone’s daughter, to be whisked off from her father’s house and become mine. She was the centre of a world here, with roots and ties.
‘Life is complicated, isn’t it?’ she said to my silence.
I looked at her, in her simple, sombre-hued robe. Her hands were no longer smooth and slender; there were lines in her face that had not been there when she was mine. Her body had softened and rounded with the years. She was no longer the girl in the red skirts, running down the beach before me.
‘I have never wanted anything so much in my life as I’ve always wanted you.’
‘Fitz!’ she exclaimed, glancing up at the loft, and I suddenly realized I had spoken the words aloud. Her cheeks glowed and she lifted both hands to cover her mouth with her fingertips.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I know it’s too soon. You’ve told me that. And I will wait. I’ll wait however long you want me to wait. I just want to be sure you know that I am waiting.’
I saw her swallow. She said huskily, ‘I don’t know how long it will take.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’ I stretched out my hand, palm up, on the tabletop. She hesitated, and then set hers in it. And we sat, not speaking, until the boys came in with a load of snowy kindling to be scolded by their mother for not wiping their feet.
I stayed until afternoon. We drank tea and I talked about Nettle at the court, and told the boys stories of Burrich when he had been a younger man. I saddled Myblack and bid them farewell before Chivalry and Hearth returned. Molly walked out to say goodbye and kissed me. On the cheek. And I rode three days back to Buckkeep Castle.
Riddle continued to carry letters between her cottage and Buckkeep Castle. They all came up for Spring Fest, and I managed to dance with Molly once. It was the first time I had ever danced with her, and the first time I’d attempted to dance in years. I danced with Nettle, afterwards, who advised me never to attempt it again. But she smiled as she said it.
I saw Hap in the early days of spring. He and Sawtongue came through Buck at the beginning of their summer travels. Hap was taller and leaner and seemed content with his life. He’d seen a great deal of Bearns and now was off to Rippon and then Shoaks. He’d made two songs of his own, both humorous and both seemed well received when he sang them for us at the lesser hearth. Web and Swift came back to Buckkeep later that month. Swift had widened through the shoulders and was more introspective than I recalled him. Web stayed at Buckkeep while Swift went home to spend a week with his family. He returned with news that Chivalry would be getting married in three months.
I went down for the wedding. Watching him stand before Thrift and pledge himself to her while she blushed and smiled, scarcely able to look at him, envy burned in me. It would be so simple for them. They met, they loved, they married. I suspected they’d have a baby in the cradle before the year was out. And I could get no closer to Molly than the touch of her hand and a kiss on the cheek.
Summer grew strong and hot. It was a good summer. Elliania was pregnant and the whole of the Six Duchies seemed abuzz with it. The crops seemed to grow before my eyes. Myblack learned the way to Molly’s cottage and back. I helped Chivalry raise the beams on the extra rooms he was building, and watched Molly and Thrift cook companionably together. I watched her as she moved around the room at her simple tasks, watched her laugh and stir the soup and brush her lengthening hair back from her eyes. I had not been so fevered with desire since I was fifteen years old. I could not sleep at night, and when I did, I had to ward my dreams. I could see Molly and speak to her, but it was always in Burrich’s house or with Burrich’s sons clinging to her hands. There seemed no place in her world that I could claim, and I grew irritable with everyone.
I went to see Patience and Lacey, as I had promised, making the long journey in the hot and dusty days of high summer, and Chade swore I was so fractious that he was glad to be rid of me for a time. I didn’t blame him. Lacey had become frailer and Patience had hired two women to help care for her old servant. Walking in her gardens with Patience’s worn hand on my arm, seeing how she had converted the bloody soil of Regal’s King’s Circle to a haven of greenery, beauty and peace gave me the first rest I had known in a long time. She gave me some of my father’s things from her clutter: a plain sword belt he had preferred, letters Burrich had sent to him that mentioned me, and a jade ring. The ring fit my hand perfectly. I wore it home.
Nettle lingered after our Skill-lesson the first morning I was back. Chade did also, but at a look from me, he sighed and left me alone with my daughter. ‘You were gone a long time. Weeks,’ she said.
‘I hadn’t seen Patience in a long time. And she’s getting old.’
She nodded. ‘Thrift is pregnant.’
‘That’s wonderful news.’
‘It is. We’re all very excited. But my mother says it makes her feel old, to know she’ll be a grandmother soon.’
That gave me a moment’s pause.
‘She said to me, “Time goes faster when you’re older, Nettle.” Isn’t that an odd thought?’
‘I’ve known it for some time.’
‘Do you? I think women know it better perhaps.’
I looked at Nettle directly and said nothing. ‘Perhaps not,’ she said then, and went away.
Four days later, I saddled Myblack again and set out for Molly’s. Chade sternly warned me that I must be back in time for the Calling and I promised him that I would be. The day was fine and Myblack well behaved and in good condition for the journey. The summer evenings were long and I made the journey in two days instead of three. I found myself very welcome, for Chivalry was replacing the posts in the paddock fence. Swift and Steady were helpful in pulling up the old rotted posts and Just and Hearth dug the holes bigger. Chivalry and I came behind, setting each pole straight and tall. He spoke to me about becoming a father and how exciting it was until he realized that my silences were growing longer and longer. Then he declared he was going to take the boys down to the creek and let them swim for a time, for he’d had enough of hot, sweaty work for the day. He asked if I’d come but I shook my head.